REAL Announcements Heard On Planes !!

1. "Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken
clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and
remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

1. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and, in the
event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take
them with you with our compliments."

2. "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your
belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among
the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

3. And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta airlines
is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the
industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

4. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly
windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to
fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened
while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate

5. On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant
crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached
cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for
your comfort, and to enhance the appearance of your flight
attendants."

6. On landing the stewardess said, "There may be 50 ways to leave
your lover, but there are only 4 ways out off this airplane."

7. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington
National, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella.
WHOA!"

8. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in
Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please
take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a
landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

9. "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will
descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull
it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you,
secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with
more than one small child, pick your favorite."

10. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came
on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash
and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate.
And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open
the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."

11. Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like
to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you
get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized
metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways."

12. Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect
landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo
bounces us to the terminal."